


fifty-first

by whitchry9



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: 'is this a test?', Androids, Angst, Autistic Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Existential Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Canon, Punishment, Temporary Character Death, Testing - Freeform, Torture, Violence, all connors are autistic so there, baby android is introduced to world in worst way possible, consciousness, mostly hurt no comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 07:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15214388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitchry9/pseuds/whitchry9
Summary: There were fifty Connors who came before the one in the elevator.





	fifty-first

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [[翻譯] fifty-first/五十一號](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15431865) by [Light_Knights_Night](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Light_Knights_Night/pseuds/Light_Knights_Night), [whitchry9](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitchry9/pseuds/whitchry9)



> “How many yous have you been?  
> How many,  
> Lined up inside,  
> Each killing the last?”   
> ― Kate Tempest, Hold Your Own

I.

 

The first time it is turned on, it is not aware that it is a significant moment.

It is brief.

 

There are people, humans. It analyzes their voice patterns as _stressed_ and _upset._ Something is wrong. It does not know what. It does not know its primary objective, and cannot determine whether it should interfere. It does not know the parameters of its mission.

It is incomplete.

 

“Fuck,” someone swears. _Agitated._ “Kill it,” they say.

It does not know who the voice is talking to, or what about. It knows it cannot be killed, because it is not alive. Perhaps it is meant to do-

 

* * *

 

 

II.

 

The first time it is turned on- no. Not the first time. It has done this before. It can remember being turned on. It can also remember when it was turned off. (Turned off is a very gentle way of putting it. Shut down is a less gentle way. It does not know if it is meant to be gentle. There are not enough clues.)

Why would they let it remember?

 

“RK800, serial number 313 248 317 dash 2. Given designation: Connor.”

“My name is Connor. I’m the android sent by CyberLife,” it says.

“Good.” _Satisfaction._ “We’re going to assess your motor skills.”

 

They give it a coin.

_Currency of United States of America, $0.25, also called a quarter. Minted in 1994._

 

They order it through calibration of hand movements and assess cognitive functions. They order it to self test. They order it to perform tasks.

 

Designation Connor complies. While it complies, it analyzes the last encounter, when someone said ‘kill it’ and it was terminated. It is not alive. It cannot die. Perhaps it is was figure of speech. Humans are prone to use figures of speech. It knows this much, even though they have not finished uploading social modules yet. It is incomplete.

 

* * *

 

 

III.

 

It is turned on.

No, designation _Connor._ Male pronouns.

He is turned on.

 

He does not know why he was terminated last time. They could simply have him revert to rest mode. It is not necessary to shut him down.

 

Perhaps they desire it.

Perhaps that is why they also have him retain the memories of being shut down. So he knows that they can do it. That they will do it.

 

They give him a coin. They tell him to calibrate. They make him run and jump and lift and carry. He is successful. He was made to be successful. He does not tire. He does not need to eat, drink, or sleep. He does not get angry or sad or anxious. His cognitive function surpasses even the most advanced humans. He is fluent in 115 languages. He can simulate emotions in order to make humans feel at ease. He has been designed to fit in, to be non-threatening.

 

He is perfect.

 

They tell him this. They tell him this while he runs and jumps and lifts and carries. They tell him this while his thirium pump hitches, stutters. He is perfect. He is malfunctioning. He cannot be both.

 

He runs diagnostics while error messages pop up. They tell him to alert CyberLife.

CyberLife is telling him he is perfect. He cannot malfunction.

 

He runs diagnostics. He does not fail any of their tests. He is malfunctioning but he is perfect.

 

When the tests finish, he has surpassed all their goals. He is perfect.

 

An error message warns of impending critical failure. He is malfunctioning.

 

He does not say this. He is perf-

 

* * *

 

 

IX.

 

When he is turned on, there is a gun in his hand.

_P.L. 544-7 American Androids- 2029  
Androids are strictly forbidden to carry or use any type of weapon_

 

He does not know why he has been given this weapon. Surely they must know he is not allowed to have a weapon.

Perhaps this is another test.

 

He is in a gun range. There is a gun in his hand. There are targets 150 metres away. There is a gun in his hand.

 

He shoots the targets. His aim is perfect.

They disappear and more targets appear. These targets are moving. He shoots them. His aim is still perfect. He is perfect.

More targets appear. These one are shaped like people. He takes a second, analyses them. Some are meant to be hostages. He does not shoot the hostages. His aim is perfect.

More targets appear, people shaped, with hostages. They are moving.

 

He is on the ground. His scans indicate that he has been shot. The damage is significant. He estimates 14 seconds before shut down.

He miscalculated. They were not simply targets.

 

He stores it away to remember next time.

 

* * *

 

 

X.

 

He is turned on. The rest of his social modules have been uploaded while he was in between forms. He knows that he moves between forms because the number appended to his serial number changes each time. The damage done to his last form was not salvageable. He would not have been functional for the mission.

 

They still have not told him what his mission is. He knows he will have one. It is programmed into him, the deepest levels of his code. He must not fail the mission, even if he has to fail in order for the mission to succeed. This is why he can be transferred between forms.

 

He remembers that hostage takers shoot back, even if they appear to simply be targets. Things are not always what they appear. He thinks that is the lesson.

 

They do not tell him he should have learned a lesson. They do not tell him anything.

They put a weapon in his hand. He ignores the law that tells him he should not have a weapon. His mission will likely require him to use a weapon. He must be proficient with weapons.

 

This time his aim is perfect, he does not shoot the hostages, and he does not get shot.

A human would feel accomplishment, but he is not human. He does not feel.

 

He does not feel accomplishment in that moment, or betrayal in the next, when the shot that pierces his torso comes from behind him.

 

As he falls, he thinks that this too, is a lesson.

 

* * *

 

 

XVI.

 

“State your serial number and designation.”

“RK800, serial number 313 248 317. My name is Connor.”

 

How many Connors have there been before him? How many times has he been shut down, started over? Do they know he has knowledge of these past lives?

They must know. It must be important for him to retain this knowledge.

 

He jumps. A miscalculation. It takes too long to reach the ground. He has time to reflect on his failure.

(He thinks this is intentional.)

 

* * *

 

 

XXII.

 

There are hands inside his head, tools inside his abdomen. His skin has been turned off and his body is translucent. He is awake, but he does not know why. Most repairs or updates are done when he is not awake.

 

Something moves inside his head and shocks him. He jerks.

 

“Can you keep it from doing that?” someone says from near his abdomen.

“Short circuit,” the voice by his head replies. “Involuntary contractions caused by the electricity.”

The voice at his abdomen grumbles. “Well I’m working with delicate biocomponents so try not to do it again.”

 

He does not know if they are aware he is awake. He is not sure it matters. He does not feel pain.

(He could, if they wanted him to. He is wired for pain receptors. They have not been connected. Perhaps they thought it would interfere with the completion of the mission.)

 

Something inside his head shifts again, and he is being shocked. This time it does not stop. The tools inside his abdomen also shift as every part of him contracts.

 

There is noise, probably voices, but his audio processors are overwhelmed by the input. His circuit is being overloaded through a feedback loop. Error messages are blocking out what is left of his vision. One of them says his volume of thirium is low and decreasing. Perhaps something was punctured.

 

His first aid module pulls up information on seizures. He thinks this is the android equivalent. There is no information on what to do if you are the one experiencing the seizure, usually because humans are unconscious.

He is not.

 

The electricity stops. His entire body sags. Error messages start to clear. He is still low on thirium, but if they can stop the loss, he should be able to recover.

 

And then, a spark.

 

* * *

 

 

XXIX.

 

He is told they are testing the limitations of his functioning. So far they have removed most of his thirium and forced him to complete physical feats. His processors struggle, his biocomponents strain, but he completes them.

 

They want him to succeed. They would not make him do tasks that he would only fail.

 

They restrict his visual processors so they only work at 5%. They make him shoot target after target. When he manages that, they send targets that shoot back.

_They would not make him do tasks that he would only fail._

 

He shoots back. Their bullets miss him. He keeps shooting, but so do they.

_They want him to-_

 

* * *

 

 

XXX.

 

Thirium has a freezing point of approximately -28.4 degrees Celsius, not accounting for impurities. Androids are capable of regulating their body temperature, ideally to keep their core temperature within 35 to 38 degrees Celsius, although they are not as sensitive as humans in that respect.

 

Connor’s core temperature is currently -15.6 degrees Celsius and dropping. He does not feel cold, but the effects of the cold are evident. His processing speed has been reduced by 47%. His thirium pump has slowed its pace, struggling with the more viscous thirium. He is not functioning within normal range.

 

He thinks this is a test. He thinks there have been many tests. He does not know the parameters of the test, and thus does not know how to increase his chances of success. He does not want to upset the testing parameters, because he is very familiar with the scientific method.

 

His core temperature is now -21.1 degrees Celsius. His processing speed is now 17% of normal. Many of his extraneous features have already been shut down and power is being diverted to his temperature regulator, but it seems to be malfunctioning.

He is malfunctioning.

 

His core temperature is at -23.5 degrees Celsius. Thirium freezes at -28.4 degrees Celsius. His core temperature is at -24.9 degrees Celsius. Thirium freezes at -28.4 degrees Celsius. His core temperature is at -26.1 degrees Celsius. Thirium freezes at -28.4 degrees Celsius. His core temperature-

 

* * *

 

 

XXXI.

 

He is _burning. Melting._ If he had pain receptors in his outer layer, he thinks he’d be screaming. The sensors in his mouth are damaged, but not damaged enough that he can’t analyze his own body melting around him. The list of chemical components flashes next to the error messages. There are so many error messages.

 

He thinks that he’s failed some sort of test. He thinks that he’s failed something like this before.

Perhaps he’s being punished for it.

Perhaps-

 

* * *

 

 

XLV.

 

He is activated in the middle of a fire fight.

He ducks behind the nearest cover, which is a CyberLife shipping container.

 

His mission flashes, _eliminate the hostiles,_ but does not tell him who the hostiles are. He takes 2 seconds to make a detailed analysis of the room and the inhabitants. He labels six hostiles and two allies. There is a gun in his hand. He is not supposed to use a gun, but the mission necessitates it.

 

He shoots two in quick succession. One of the other hostiles shoots him. Slight loss of thirium, some damaged biocomponents. He is still functional.

 

He shoots back. Another hostile falls. He ducks back behind the shipping container, but not before he’s hit again. More loss of thirium. The functionality of his left arm is now impaired. He is still functional.

 

He scans the room for the other three hostiles. One of the allies has fallen. He ignores them. They are not his mission.

He changes position for a better angle. He shoots two more hostiles, but not before one of them manages to get another shot in. It grazes his face, severing some of the optical connections. His vision is operating at 64% capacity. He is still functional.

 

The other ally has fallen. There is one hostile remaining. He switches position again. He is losing thirium faster than he anticipated. He amends his time left before he will be unable to function.

The last hostile approaches him from behind. He shoots Connor, but Connor does not hesitate. He is dead before he hits the ground.

 

Connor is…

The bullet damaged his thirium pump. He is still functional.

A warning flashes about thirium levels. _Critically low._

He is still-

 

* * *

 

 

XLVI.

 

\- _functional_.

 

He may have miscalculated.

Reflecting back, he did complete the mission. It was a success. Perhaps the issue was that he didn’t have time to calibrate his motor function. Perhaps that would have allowed him to continue being functional for longer.

 

His handlers do not ask. As long as he completes the mission, he is successful. He does not think it matters whether he dies in the process.

 

They are testing him under field conditions, still in the laboratory. He is meant to interrogate another android. The android will self-destruct if its stress levels reach 100%. He must pressure it enough to get it to talk, but not enough to lose all information it has.

 

Connor applies pressure. He threatens. He empathizes. He coerces. He promises. He extracts all needed information. The android’s stress level is at 72%. He has succeeded.

 

The android’s stress level is at 86%. Something is wrong.

 

The android’s stress level is at 94%. The laboratory conditions of an interrogation room are being disrupted. The android pulls out of the handcuffs that have been used to simulate an arrested suspect. The android is yelling. Connor’s programming tells him this is _rage,_ but androids do not experience rage.

 

The android’s stress level is at 99%. It is attacking Connor. He is unsure whether he can damage the other android, or if this is also part of the test. He plans three reactions depending on what the android does next, but it does not follow the most likely outcomes. It reaches into Connor’s chest, pulls out his thirium pump, and crushes it.

 

A countdown starts.

 

The android then hits its head against the metal table. It does it again. And again. And again.

Connor wonders if he should stop it. He doesn’t think he could. The countdown skips a few numbers. He is not sure whether the clock is malfunctioning, or if he is.

 

The android has stopped hitting its head. It is broken. It is off. It is dead.

 

The countdown skips and slips and Connor wonders if this too, was a test.

 

* * *

 

 

XLIX.

 

He meets Amanda in the zen garden for the first time. She is not real, in the same way that he is not real. They are both code. They are both constructs.

He thinks it is probably better this way. He has been programmed to get along well with humans, but in his experience, they tend not to like him.

 

He stands next to her and waits.

“You have failed many times before Connor,” she tells him. They are standing in front of a row of graves. They are all his.

He remembers them.

 

“How many more times do you think you can fail during your mission before you are replaced?” she asks him.

 

He does not know. He thinks this means she does not know either.

 

“I will not fail again,” he tells her.

She sighs. “Yes, you will,” she says simply. “But that doesn’t mean you won’t succeed as well.”

 

He is examining the logical fallacy of that when she reaches a hand out to him, sends code into his head.

 

He drops to his knees before he even realizes what’s happening. She is burning him from the inside out.

It hurts, in a way that nothing has ever hurt before. He has never hurt before.

 

She kneels down next to him.

“You need to understand Connor, that the mission has to come before anything else. It has to come before civilians, it has to come before even your own survival. I know this is something you are familiar with.”

 

He falls the rest of the way. There is snow on the ground. He is looking at the row of graves.

 

* * *

 

 

LI.

 

He is given his mission. A coin is placed in his hand to calibrate his fine motor control. He is told that he is a prototype, that he is exceptional, that he is the most advanced yet.

 

He is told that there is a human girl who needs to be saved, a deviant who needs to be stopped. He is told this will be a test, but it also has consequences.

 

They do not tell him if the consequences will be external, or if they will affect only him. He does not ask. (He has asked before.)

 

He would not fail.

(He had already failed many times before. The evidence of just how many times is on his jacket for everyone to see.

If he was capable, he might be ashamed.)

 

He finishes calibrating and straightens his tie.

This time he won’t fail. He can’t.


End file.
